Nothing is quite as frustrating as a reading a profile, crafting a well thought out, specifically tailored message to your potential new date only to wait days on end for what turns out to be a non response. Repeat this process enough and you'll probably reach the conclusion that online dating is nothing more than a huge waste of time. But it doesn't have to be.
In an earlier post I touched on some of the key mistakes that guys make when it comes to online dating broadly but this time around we're going to hone in on the specific aspect of how to increase the amount of responses you receive when sending out messages to potential new matches. With that in mind here's a list of five things you might want to consider next time you decide to send out an online dating message. Hope it helps.
1. Brevity is key
According to an OkCupid study done back in September of 2009, message length really does matter. While writing an essay does in theory provide a slightly higher rate of response, keeping your messages to under 200 characters is a far more effective method of going about it. For one thing, you'll be more efficient in how many messages you send out, wasting less time on the duds. Furthermore, the shorter message you write the less emotional investment you'll have, which is a good thing considering that according to the odds you're going to get rejected close to 80% of the time. Lastly, I've always felt like writing long messages sent out a bit of a insecure vibe. Think of it from the lady's perspective. Why is this guy who hardly knows me writing an essay on why we might be right for each other? Basically, it reeks of desperation. And when it comes to online dating insecurity is the enemy of success.
2. Demonstrate you actually read their profile
Yes, you could be one of those guys that sends out the same generic 50 character message to 1000 different girls but ultimately I think that is a disservice to them and a bit disingenuous on your part. As a general life maxim, people like people who who interested in what they have to say. It doesn't mean that you're guaranteed a reply just because they like Game of Thrones and you do too. But noting it may at least upgrade your chances by a couple of percentage points. Send out enough queries and those percentage points add up to an increased amount of conversations you're able to initiate.
3. Ask a question
When constructing a message for a girl I might be interested in I like to focus in on one particular aspect of her profile then ask a simple question hoping to get a follow up. It could be as easy as seeing that she has a particular fondness for brunch (you'd be surprised how many girls mention brunch in their profiles) then writing to her with something like, "I see you're a fan of the Sunday brunch, but here's the real question that you left noticeably unanswered: pancakes or waffles? Be prepared to defend your answer."
It might seem like a silly question but it's non-threatening, has an element of humor, provokes conversation and demonstrates you took the time to actually read what they had to say. Basically, it works.
Next: Calibrate for Success
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